Can't Buy Me 'Likes'

I’ve become very fond of Craigslist.

Searching for players, gigs, and gear, somewhere between my first cup of coffee and a cleaner pair of underwear, I feel like I’m going to need a pair of bunny slippers and a robe this winter in order to fully realize my out of work potential.

I stay in the musician section for the most part, but even those ads are littered with nerds, real-estate agents and date rape enthusiasts. It’s a great place to be if you’re a “serious”, “drug free”,  22 year old female vocalist with your own equipment. And it’s as close as I’m ever going to get to Reality TV.

The searching, however, has paid off.

I now know there is a Timpanist available in my area for any and all of my timpani needs.

For those of you who don’t know what a timpani is, it’s those big copper drums used to create that boom boom boom sound of thunder, or an army of invading orcs, or anytime a German enters a room.

In five short minutes, I have come up with hundreds of uses for a local Timpanist ranging from door bell substitution to following around my neighbor’s chihuahuas.

The Timpanist has a card that says he does weddings as well.

My god, how could I have possibly missed that?

But Craigslist isn’t all timpani and giggles, I’ve booked shows, collaborated with some nice people, and learned which marketing scams are worth my time and which are just not. 

Of course they’re all scams. If you’re a talented musician, willing to work hard, and have what it takes to go to the next level, then I’ve got a five hundred dollar 12 part video course that is going to change your life (Or blow your mind, either way).

But some scams might backfire with intended consequences.

Let me explain:

Did you know that there are companies out there that will guarantee a certain amount of page views, YouTube hits and Facebook ‘Likes’ for a fee?

Neither did I.

Thank-You Craigslist.

Now, this part of the story is four-fold:

First, they do it by creating millions of fake accounts all across the social medias, and then program the fake accounts to check out your stuff. Give ‘em a few bucks and you can quadruple your reach. Everyone is in on it, from Reverbnation to Facebook itself.

But, since its all fake, you haven’t increased you reach, you’ve only increased your metrics.

Given enough dollars, my little songs can pretend to be as popular as a kitty playing the piano.

Yet secondly, for obvious reasons, this practice is severely frowned upon by the industry insiders who are very quick to point out that because it doesn’t really increase the amount of people who are being entertained by your stuff, then you’re just lying to us, like the kid who insists he has a girlfriend in Canada.

But the third bit is where it gets interesting:

Actual people might click on something if it looks like it is popular.

Everyone wants to be in the know.

Things go viral by looking like they’re going viral.

I will absolutely get booked at bigger venues if a promoter sees that I have 25,000 Facebook fans instead of the 87 I have now.

Songs will get heard more, videos will get watched more, nobody likes to stand in line, but everyone wants to know where the line is going. Nobody ever made their first million honestly. This way to the ‘Egress’

And if you’re asking yourself why you haven’t tried this yet, the answer is simple:

Fourth, it doesn’t work, and if it did, you’re not ready.

Are your songs as freakishly awesome as Lorde’s. Are your videos a sexy as Gotye or as brilliantly choreographed as Okay Go? Do you appeal to cat lovers and Jennifer Lawrence fans?

Can you imagine the kind of local reputation you would have if you booked a gig in a thousand seat house and only your mom shows up? (Unless, of course, your mamma is so fat she can fill an auditorium)

The reason it doesn’t work is because for virility to occur, content must far exceed the hype, and if you’re content is that good, it’ll generate all the hype you could ever want.

Here’s a free lesson: Take all that money you think you might want to spend on your imaginary friends, put it in a bank, take some time away from your day job and go play in every dive bar, coffee shop, open mike, street corner within a 100 mile radius of your apartment. Gather fans in the crudest way possible. This won’t get you to prime time, but it will toughen your skin and tighten your chops.

And I promise you, I promise you, you will be found, you will be liked.

Unless you’re terrible. 

Then consider blogging.

{Cue Timpanist}

(Joshua Macrae is a singer/songwriter who writes a daily blog about being a musician, a pop culture enthusiast, and a terrible, terrible parent. You can find more at his website www.waitdad.com or “Like” him at facebook.com/waitdad)

Can't Buy Me 'Likes'

Comments

[Chancius]

I far and away do NOT believe this to be true. Yes it's very important to have great (not merely good) content, but if current top 40 radio has shown us it's that with enough marketing power people will certainly buy (or at least into) turds. This goes back as long as there has been a music business. Back in the 70s when Pink Floyd released The Wall they couldn't get a single in the top 100 because a newbie at their record label didn't believe in radio promoters. When his boss finally insisted they pay the radio promoter, the band finally had a hit. It wasn't enough that they were a well known band with a super large fan base or any great songs. I just read the book by the drummer of Semisonic and he talked about how they were receiving gold and platinum records for only shipping X amount of their album and not actually selling them.

Most to all musicians don't want to admit that their music alone isn't enough to sell on its own merits, but it isn't and that's why most musicians fail. They're not business people and they have no desire to become one, but then they are not facing the true reality of the situation. They want to go on thinking that all of the famous, rich bands and artists they envy got their success by hard work and talent, but the painful reality is that it's hard work, talent, luck, and manipulation. It's okay, manipulation doesn't have to be such a dirty word. Every business manipulates people as soon as they set the price for their product to make a profit from it. Image isn't everything, but it's SO important because no matter what people will always judge with their eyes first and they WANT to believe in the fantasy.

[whatever]

But if you believe your content is worth the hype, why not try it? As The Cranberries said "everybody else is doing it, why can't we?". It's not just musicians that are doing it. It's every kind of business start up, and entertainer on the web. And unfortunately, it is working to get people's attn. I know of a new music start up (which both music think tank and hypebot have promoted) that has bought 10k facebook and twitter likes/followers. I need to hear the convincing argument of why they shouldn't do it.

[Indie Musician]

Or the artist can post some thumbnails of white females butts or show some cleavage to get Youtube clicks.

I even saw a up-and-coming rapper post some nude pictures of porn stars in his thumbnails on Soundcloud.

or that time some random guy commented on a Tupac video that "a rapper named XXXXX was badmouthing the African ethnicity"...and when one clicks...some random guy is doing a freestyle about prostititues lol.

As they say...
Whatever brings in clicks.